I love a good nightmare.
As I once said to my friend Brigitte. A good nightmare is like the best fun park ride ever, without the queue's, the smell of vomit, candy floss in your hair or the struggle to find parking.
A good nightmare is value for money.
You know how it is when you wake up - panting, sweating, sheets soaked and tangled incomprehensibly around your body like some mystical yogi has come into your bedroom while you were sleeping and practiced his speed turban wrapping techniques and then blasted you with piss. You need a good few minutes to be completely sure that vagina's don't really have teeth or that you didn't fry a friends dog in your moms swimming pool that had mysteriously transformed into a gigantic deep fryer!
..Then comes the feeling of relief - it washes over you like cool waves of wind from an oscillating fan in a hot office - it's a real ride maannnnn!
Anyway, yeah I love it and some time ago I began experimenting with different foods just before going to bed in order to see if there were any foods in particular that would bring about the onset of night terrors.
It turns out that I personally got the best results from Dairy products like cheese and yogurts but high protein foods also scored reasonably well and the sure winner was anything that is extremely hard to digest. Combinations of these foods produced some spectacular results!
I have to be honest at this junction and admit that although I was meant to be experimenting with foods I had noticed that quite often when the sheets ended wrapped around you that this would somehow become a feature of the nightmare. Soooooo... one night I tied my ankles together with a bungee cord. The resultant dreams consisted of many trapped, maimed, unable to run away and drowning themes. The real nightmare was attempting to leap out of bed for a midnight toilet dash...!!!
The reason for these experiments, with the food at least, was to collaboratively put together a small book which I hoped to call "The Little Nightmare Cookbook". Basically it would become a list of recipes for other freaks like myself who enjoy a good 'mare'. And I hoped to present a series of recipes and list the potential themes one might expect from the resultant nightmares.
Weird - I know but hey, the interest at the time of poking the idea out there was surprisingly high!
Well the project has been on the back burner for quite awhile now but I now feel that the time is indeed ripe and I would like to get this project back on the move.
So please, although I have my own material what I really need is as much information from other people as possible. So if your mom or dad ever used to say to you, "you shouldn't eat blah, blah, blah before going to bed, it'll give you nightmares" please, tell me what it was that they believed you should have been avoiding.
Ask your friends, ask your parents and if you would be so kind as to forward your recipes to me at nevereverbloodyanythingever@gmail.com I would truly appreciate it and of course full credit will be given to those who's recipes appear in print.
Just in passing - my mom always said that you should never eat bread, spread with marmite or vegemite toasted with melted cheese on top before bed - to date, this concoction holds the current record for most vivid, terrifying and sustained nightmares... I highly recommend you try it - no really.
Currently listening to:
Dire Straits - Making Movies
Extreme Picnic - Compilation CD from Tanny and Mikes Wedding.
Kinda like the ultimate version of - "This tastes like it's gone bad; taste it." If it helps, as a kid, all the bad guys in my dreams were Wicked Witch of the West green - vivid!!!
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